This may surprise some of you, but I’ve had writer’s block. I’m quite surprised myself, since, so far my blog has consisted of a lot of inane, shallow and base nonsense about nothing in particular. But you people seem to be lapping it up. I could, I suppose, wait until I think of something good to write about. But I’ve had complaints on Facebook about my lack of blog in the last few weeks, so I guess I should really write something.
One friend, Annelie, has been particularly vocal about my silence. I explained to her that I didn’t have anything to say, to which she replied ‘can’t you just go out at lunchtime and do something stupid, then write about it?’. Her logic isn’t entirely flawed. I have noticed that I get particularly positive feedback when I write about any kind of personal humiliation that I have endured. This positive feedback, however, is limited to my blog. Self-humiliation and self-pity in REAL life don’t seem to be as popular….
…so since I haven’t done anything particularly humiliating recently, and since she is so very keen to read my blog, this week, I will be writing about Annelie.
When I mentioned this to her on ‘Facebook Chat’, all of sudden she wasn’t so enthused about the prospect of my latest instalment. Her reservations stemmed partially from the catalogue of disasters and drunken antics in her life for me to choose from, but also from the fact that I might not necessarily allow her to read it first.
To be fair to her, Annelie does have a small amount of experience in being publicly humiliated in print. A few months ago, Annelie was seeking sponsorship for a cross-Mongolian horse race (did I mention that she’s insane?). Annelie, whose brother is in the army, had agreed (almost definitely under the influence) to race across the wild terrains of Mongolia on horseback in order to raise money for ‘Help the Heroes’. Not content with risking her life (and her mother’s sanity) by partaking in this crazy race, Annelie decided (in a bid to raise more cash) that she should get her kit off in Sport Magazine.
Now…most people would rather crawl across Mongolia in a fur coat laced with itching powder than be photographed in their scanties for a newspaper. Personally, I would prefer to spend a week rubbing sun cream into Ian Beale’s chest, while he smiled at me smugly, than flash my fleshy self in the public domain. Annelie, however, is what might be described as ‘a tidy package ‘ / the most beautiful girl I know, so getting her kit off for the good of our boys was not a problem.
She didn’t even flinch when the photographer suggested that she pose for the photos with her horse. That’s right. WITH HER HORSE. IN HER PANTS. Ha ha ha ha ha ha (the thought still brings me joy).
And even when, during the photo shoot, her wellington boots got stuck and she was forced to lie on her back, in her bikini and wellies, in a paddock (IN A PADDOCK!! LOL!! Ha ha ha) and suffer the humiliation of having her boots wrenched off by a photographer, she still didn’t reconsider the idea.
And when her horse, no doubt bored with watching the make-up artist add shading to Annelie’s arse, decided to run off, forcing Annelie to chase it around the paddock in her bikini (AROUND THE PADDOCK IN HER BIKINI!!), she thought about our boys over in ‘ghan, kept calm and carried on.
The straw that broke the camel’s back (never before has a phrase been more apt) was when the photos were published in the magazine and distributed across the London transport network and beyond. The first photo showed Annelie, in a field, bra-strap off the shoulder, looking sultry. So far, so good. Page 2 and Annelie is suggestively sprawled among the hay…ready to roll around. Not one to show the grandkids, but does the job…..ooops….but what do we have here?….page 3?…photo 3?
Annelie, her horse, her whip, her boots and….oops…
….a camel’s toe.
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Needless to say, Annelie’s sponsorship campaign was an overnight success and she managed to cross Mongolia in one piece. Annelie’s next challenge for ‘Help the Heroes’ is cycling to Dunkirk. Please sponsor her using the link below….you never know, she might get her kit off again…
Sponsor Annelie: http://www.justgiving.com/anneliesimmons3/
Switch It Up goes weekly: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=114551668582477&index=1
