So...the boys at Urban Elite have come up with a cunning plan to make the girls wear less clothing at "Switch it Up" this month. October brings the 'White Wardrobe Party', where we're being asked to banish the winter blues by dressing in white. I have to commend them for their ingenuity; each month they manage to come up with a plausible reason why we should all arrive at Ruby Lo dressed like the extras from a Ne-Yo video.
Now, like most of my readers (I figure there should be about 6 of you by now + my Mum), I am not a stupid girl. And yet every month, I lap up the opportunity for public exhibitionism and rush to my wardrobe like a child to the milkybar kid. I pull out all of my clothes and begin the careful decision-making process that precedes any outing which may involve me coming into contact with "hot men" and "hot women" ("hot men" because I want to have sex with them and "hot women" because they also want to have sex with the aforementioned "hot men").
A quick mirror-check reveals that this month I am contending with the same bumpy-in-the-wrong-places physique that I vowed to diet and train into Beyonce-esque perfection last month. Next I make a mental checklist of my outfit specification; must make my maheussive ass look 'curvy', my tiny boobs look 'curvy', my sagging carves look 'curvy' and must not draw too much attention to my football face. Oh....and must be white... Here, ladies and gents, is where I stumble. This 'white' criteria directly conflicts with all of my other outfit requirements. These is a reason why women wear little black dresses and it is not because they don't show up stains. If one camera adds 10lbs, then white dresses are the fashion equivalent of a trip to the Curry's January sale. Slipping on my white Primani tube dress confirms my darkest (lightest) fears. The vision that confronts me in my mirror is less ‘svelte ice queen’ and more ‘polar bear’; massive, white and deceptively cuddly-looking.
I got dumped this week. I met a very perceptive man who managed to predict impending doom a mere 3 weeks into our romance. That’s all I’ve got to say about that. But please feel free to leave long tirades outlining what a ‘fool’ he is and how much you ‘pity’ him in the comments box below (I’m needy remember).
Talking of needy…we needy you to dig deep….(ouch).. Following what I can only assume to be a ‘washing mix-up’ involving Asare’s lucky red thong and the team kit, Tooting Bec FC (THE BEC) will be sporting pink socks this season in aid of the Breast Cancer Campaign. If you are impressed with the resourcefulness of these boys, who have turned their inability to sort the colours from the whites into a charitable gesture for a very worthy cause, then make a donation using the link below. If they raise enough cash, imagine what else we might be able to persuade them to wear or do? Any suggestions would also be gratefully received in the comments section below…
Right…I’ll leave it there this week….see you all @ Ruby Lo on the 2nd. I’ll be the one strung up like an uncooked joint of beef..
Stuff I liked this week
Boys scoring in the pink for boobies everywhere: http://www.justgiving.com/TootingBecFCgopink/
Jackie Lopez - Beautiful girl singing beautiful covers on YouTube (I love her Sade cover and her Adele cover): http://www.youtube.com/user/Mexchica514#play/all
Bad news for the men in my office who have to work with me every day: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/6132718/Men-lose-their-minds-speaking-to-pretty-women.html
Blue Peter – proving they are still the best current affairs programme on TV: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8269638.stm
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